It’s the least wonderful time of the year…

Sorry I haven’t been on for awhile… and sorry this post is so Eeyore-ish…

The young man is under his usual dark cloud this NYEE, but there is a small spark of optimism on his radar. He feels that if he can just get to the 2nd week of January, his life may even out a bit, so a weight or two can fall off his shoulders. He is going to have to sacrifice for the next month, and he is so numb that he could care less to worry about what he won’t have.

I so used to love the holidays… I lived for Fall, which was my own personal lead-in to the holidays… Man, how times have changed. I think this decline may have began in the mid 90s, when my mom passed away in October. I was going through a divorce at the time, and simultaneously courting my new wife. I still professed my love for Autumn, but subconsciously I didn’t care for it as much. Then I got separated right after new year’s 1 year later. My love for the season continued to diminish. I will spare you all the details, but the 3rd trimester of the year has pretty much sucked for the past 7 or so years (losing a house, dropping to one income, moving in with in-laws, repeatedly dancing with separation and divorce and fighting with my wife, all while raising 3 children under the age of 6).
So the 2010 holiday season is just about over, and I couldn’t be happier. I overspent at Christmas, and now I have to play major catch-up (see paragraph 1), I think I may be depressed, I got a ton of electronics for Christmas (a digital tablet/reader, a new phone, iPod speakers and DJ equipment) but returned all but one thing (love the HTC EVO), and I found out that the fairer sex is less than forthcoming with their “gifts” when they do not feel financially secure, so I see a few weeks of heavy sleeping in my future. Go on and marinate on that for a minute…

I am typing this post at work (we are kind of slow…), and I keep getting phone calls where the callers end with “you have a happy new year!” I get that this is just a customary call closing for December 30, but I am taking it to heart, and it’s pissing me off a little. Happy about what? Granted, I have a wife and 3 little mini-me’s that love me unconditionally, but aside from them and an onslaught of new (to me, anyway) CDs to listen to (Ghostface Killah, Diddy-Dirty Money, Janelle Monae, Broken Bells, Gorillaz, Mayer Hawthorne, R. Kelly and DJ Mark Farina), I have very little to be happy for this New Year’s Eve.

Again, I'm sorry for the gloom. I'll be back once I'm better...

Wait - did I say I was optimistic??????

the past

I don't care for my past. Any of it. Not even the era when I wrote "I don't care for my past" just now. While (to me, at least) this seems dumb, it has a real effect on me.

Earlier today, I had an encounter with my past that caused me to have a panic attack. I am actually typing this post in an attempt to calm myself down. What's worse, I had only 10 % of the available information regarding this visit to the past and my body prepared to go completely mental. I was furious to the point of perspiration approximately 0.01 seconds into the situation, and had I looked only a little deeper I would have seen the info that I believed was omitted in an attempt to make me look bad. Now I just feel dumb and my BP is elevated, making me feel even dumber. I have a headache, and it's not even necessary. A sick stomach for no reason whatsoever.

The Young Man is strange...

tym

here's the thing...

damn - i sound like one of these guys now...

* i have officially checked the f'k out. i no longer care about anything (hardly) outside of 6734 (my house). i could give a rabbit's genitalia about any of the following things, which are apparently the most important shite in the world:
politics
li'l wayne
nicki minaj
glee
dancing with the f-ing stars
blackberry
ipod
i-phone 4
i-pad
i-don't-give-a damn about any electronics period (that is saying a lot... the young man lives for tech)
eat-pray-love
jenks
maino (I will probably get choked out for saying that, it's disrespectful)
facebook
linked.in
50 tyson, and anyone associated with the exploitation of 50 tyson
antoine dodson
w.g. grinder's
pizza hut
cici's pizza
r&b music
the state of hip-hop
twitter
love
regret
weekends
fridays
the fresh beat band
mtv jams network
real housewives of whatever city and/or profession
jersey shore or any of it's orange and gelled participants
reality shows in general
justin beiber (bieber?)or his disturbing haircut

there is plenty more where this came from, but i'm out of time. adieu...

THIS JUST IN...

...honestly is not always the best policy.

-tym

and by the way.... how could i forget?

Read this: http://popmatters.com/music/reviews/b/baduerykah-mamas2.shtml

i am FREAKING ECSTATIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't ask, just enjoy that.....

it's a miracle!

well everyone, it took 41.5 years, but it finally happened - the young man actually narrowed down his top 10 desert island cd's (for now, anyway)...

these are in no particular order, by the way...



1. Sign O' The Times - Prince
2. Affection - Lisa Stansfield
3. A Love Supreme - Chante Moore
4. A Love Supreme - John Coltrane
5. Kind Of Blue - Miles Davis
6. Nothing Like The Sun - Sting
7. Infinity Within - Deee-Lite
8. Frank - Amy Winehouse
9. The Score - The Fugees
10. The Best Of John Coltrane

-tym

the return.

so there are several details i could go into, but let's just say that the mrs broke something down to the young man recently, and he got it. it clicked. finally. that being said...

IT'S BACK BABY!!!!! (c) George Costanza

oh - i'm sorry - "it" is the young man's mojo. i will say mojo, because the current hip-hop generation has bastardized a once great word, swagger. countless newly rich and famous short-bus riders have made that word as pointless as the term "on the strength" (check your hip-hop history, newbies!). plus, austin powers is timeless, and he called it a mojo.

so yeah, tym's mojo, "it" factor, swagger, attitude, whatever you wanna call it, is back and dammit, the world is a better place because of it. really! trees are singing, birds are blooming and lingere sales are going up (especially @ lane bryant - tym likes the thickness...)all due to the extra pep in his step.

not to get all tony robbins on you, but tym is amazed at how the world seemed to change with nothing more than the change of thought pattern. dismissing worry and concern for pointless things + holding one's head up and smiling = super magnetic personality. as if you couldn't tell, tym is glappy (glad + happy) to be back baby!!!

and the focus! i'm working on an infomercial for my 9 to 5 gig, the new book is coming along, the magazine is in the pre-production stage, and of course, the blog(s)...

that is all... for now...

tym

p.s. prince has the ultimate in mojo's, and that is why he is up there...

why?

so, the young man is on facebook, and he sees an old friend from his old (MEGA)church, from back when the MEGA part was important. this friend was also an actress in the first film tym ever wrote that went to production. she was made a part of said film at the suggestion of the young man (not that he is looking 4 props or anything). well now this friend is actually living in l.a. and is making movies. the green-eyed monster is prevalent everytime tym reads her updates from the set of the film she happens to be doing at the time. tym is very happy for her, but is so jealous of her and disgusted by himself (all at the same time). does this make tym a hater? do people still use that word? why can't tym just focus enough to finish his book? why can't he stop focusing on stupid pointless shite (cable tv, sneakers, music, software, whether or not he should be pursuing a degree, his $10 weekly dj gig (and the intricate detail he puts into it for a lousy ten spot), food he's not supposed to be eating but eats anyway, what people think of him/his clothes/his wife and kids, etc.), and focus on getting the f*cking words from his head to the laptop? why can't he stay motivated once he is in front of the screen?

-tym

Recipe for a rough time...

so yesterday, the mrs. calls the young man to let me know the oldest mini-me (who has been acting a complete and total ass for the last few weeks) went on a tirade at his expensive-ass school, and (1) knocked over the blocks two little girls were stacking up and then decided to throw the blocks at the aforementioned little girls, and (2) started flipping over chairs and tables once his teacher left for the day. the mrs. sounded frustrated, and said " i don't know what else to do..." me, being the young MAN, responded with "I know what to do! I'ma beat his ass, he gets no TV tonight, and he will not be going to any of the birthday parties he's been invited to!" done and done, right?

"WRONG!!" (c) Charlie Murphy

see, mini me is 4.5 years old, and i have never had to actually whip him, like, with a belt before. so from the time i hung up with the mrs. to the point i was explaining to him why i had to do this, i was praying for an out. i know this will no doubt get easier to do with time, but that first time

SUCKS

COMPLETE

ASS.

the fear in those big brown eyes ripped me to shreds. that and hearing him sob "i don't want you to whip me, daddy!" i fought back tears the entire time, thinking about how i felt back in the day when i was on the other end of the belt, because even then it wasn't the pain, but the feeling of humiliation that it was happening, and the fear that my mom was doing this because she hated me. even as i type this, i am misting up.

this mini-me was born with a heart condition (but he is so defying the odds :-] ), and i think the despair i felt last night ran a close second to what i felt during all of his surgeries. then there was the internal dialogue (you are the worse father ever, you should have just given him a break, you know how his heart is, blahblahblah...) needless to say, the tears didn't stay in for too long. the mrs. was there for me and helped me get thru it all.

so now to explain the title. the recipe for a rough time: add one first-time disciplinary action for your baby, and mix in the death of one of your favorite celebrities (see previous post). Yield: a severe funk with a hot soundtrack.


-tym

RIP Keith "Guru" Elam

Random Shite...

* the young man feels kind of bad about his rant over Charlie Wilson. the young man's in-laws saw him at a music festival, and said he was out of the musical loop for a while because he had cancer. the young man can be a jerk sometimes. rarely, but it still happens... not that this at all excuses use of the word "onliest".

* the young man has made a weird discovery about himself - he REALLY does not care for most people. aside from his "crew" and the people he lives with, people generally annoy the $#!T out of him. he is a nice person, and he tolerates people and their opinions, etc., but for the most part he would love to not have to talk to anyone outside of his circle ever again. he made this discovery the other nightm, and it really kind of depressed him. pray for the young man - he needs it. prayer, and perhaps a lobotomy. not alcohol, because alcohol doesn't do anything but make the young man hot and angry, and praying always works.

* sade's new album is NOT THAT GREAT. there. i said it. 2 songs, tops. i love ya ms. adu, but i will continue to pump your earlier catalogue like it was just released last week.

* the young man is a humungous fan of erykah badu. her new cd did not disappoint. her new video for window seat, where she strips naked for the camera and gets shot on the same street where jfk got gunned down, changed something for tym, though. for the longest, tym looked at erykah as erykah badu, the creative, free-spirited musical phenomenon. now that he has seen her half naked (more like 90%), and witnessed just how much junk she has in her trunk (uh... WOW!!!!), tym sees her in a different light. now, she is a... girl. still a genius, but also a sexual being... (a lone tear streaks down tym's fuzzy cheek).

* i may have to start calling this words from the fat man. i am in no way nearing mr. belvedere status, but i feel like i am. i think it has a lot to do with my wanting to remain attractive as i take up residence in my 40's, and the fact that fried foods call me like pookie's crack pipe in new jack city (wings...).

more to come...

I'm Sorry. Really, I am Sorry for what you are about to see...

**This blog has been removed by order of my sub-conscious.**

Snow day

The young man's hometown is covered in multiple inches of snow, and I missed work because of it. What sucks is that I have a ton of shite to do, but of course all of the stuff I WANT to do, I am getting roadblocks at every turn. I am now getting an oil change in a minivan (I lead such an exciting, sexy life), while watching Judge Pirro, and counting what is left of my brain cells. Perhaps next I will eat some twinkies and spray cheese and wash it all down with some PBR...

I am a 12-year-old girl

So sure, The Young Man is way too old to get caught up in the Twilight saga BS, but as a writer, he is easily drawn in by a good storyline. This is the ONLY reason he is even speaking about Twilight…

My man Edward (dude with the hair) is a vampire, and his "soulmate" is Isabella. Well, he is obsessed with her (soulmate-duh!), as are all of the vampires, but that's irrelevant. What's ill is that her blood is like crack to them, and her scent drives them all batty. Ed has to fight his inner vampire off because of this, but his connection to her won't let him leave her alone. He has 2 lines in the movie about this that stand out (paraphrasing, of course):

1. He calls her his own personal brand of heroin.

2. He tells her he doesn’t have the strength to stay away from her.

Are you SERIOUS?? That shite would SUCK in real life. To be that obsessed with someone and not be able to do ANYTHING? I mean, that is just WRONG on so many levels! Granted,they wind up together, but what if they didn’t? How cruel and jacked up would that be? To know it’s gonna end badly if you are around them, but you can't NOT be around them? The Young Man can only imagine the freaking pain… To have to be near them, and have your insides churn because you can’t BE with them? To smell them, and have their scent all around you, but not be able to do anything about that? Oh my god… That would drive you crazy. The Young Man doesn’t usually go on and on over a teeny-bopper movie plot, but that just kind of got to him. Kinda like the scene in Kill Bill 2 where The Bride is in the coffin… Ohhh… The Young Man shudders…

But again, the young man digresses…

Onliest (only-est)

Here is some data on the young man:



Age: 41

Race: African American

Style: Buppie/Bourgeois, yet very very open to most things...

Love for music: Extreme

Tolerance for ignorance/BS: Non-existant

This being said, I'd also like to apologize for the flurry of expletives that may (or may not) follow.

I am a writer, and I have an almost violent love for the English language, and proper use of it. Don't get me wrong - I grew up with hip hop, and as an even younger man, I had a vice-like grip on all things slang. I also used to get mistaken for a caucasian on the phone regularly, but that's neither here nor there...


I consider myself a child of the 80s. A majority of my favourite music came out in the 1980s, and a good amount of the important things in my life also came from the "me" decade. Could be why I am such a greedy, selfish bastard, but I digress...


I am also a music fanatic. I love all kinds of music. I like the fact that if I do a quick mix on Pandora I can go from Diana Krall to Underworld to Frankie Knuckles to Lupe Fiasco all within the same hour. I like being eclectic. I embrace my eclecticism...

(I know - get to the freaking point...)


So @ 3 AM today, the 9 month-old Mini-Me decided sleep was for pussies, and decided he and I should pow-wow. So I am up bouncing hin on my shoulder and listening to the local old-school R&B station, and they had a decent run of songs I knew and loved from the mid -to-late 80s:

Smile by Angela Winbush

My First Love by Avant (Sure, it was a remake of a great Rene and Angela song, but he did a decent cover...)

Don't You Know by Luther Vandross

After a while (and a bottle, and a couple of threats,) he went to sleep. I was awakened by my wife 3 hours later (telling me I overslept - again...), and the radio was still on. A nationally syndicated morning show, catering to the 35 & up African-American demographic (aside from me, apparently) was on, and they were playing There Goes My Baby by Charlie Wilson of The Gap Band.

(*heavy sigh*)


I normally don't have a problem with artists that were popular a decade or two earlier coming out with a new record. I mean, I was 8th row for The Stones, back when Mick was barely pushing 100 and Keith wasn't considered the undead.

*Let me also add that this song is kind of old, at least a year, so many of you may be thinking "why is he making such a big deal out of this?" Well, I'm sorry. I have heard this song a billion times since it came out, and I have let this shit go on for too long. Again, I'm sorry for not addressing this sooner.*

I have a problem with this song not because The Gap Band was on the charts so long ago ( I loved Early In The Morning, Burn Rubber, Party Train, Yearning For Your Love, etc.), but because (A) The Gap Band's lyrics (from what I remember) contained complete sentences, and proper fucking english, and (B) well, I can't remember what B was gonna be... But come the HELL on...

"There goes my baby
There goes my destiny
Onliest one for me"

Fucking Onliest.

Really? Really Charlie Wilson? I reveled in the fact that you were on the Boomerang soundtrack with Aaron Hall. I even gave you a pass on Charlie, last name Wilson, because I thought you were on the whole "old-school-concert-tour-80s-love fest" vibe, so I figured you were giving something to the fans of The Gap Band, while trying to get in on that single women age 40 and up thing. But this? This shit here? Unforgiveable. Then you follow it up with this:



"She gone wear my ring.

("She gone take my name")

Take her to the cook outs.

("Me and her gone hang")

Take her to my momma house"



You said that shit ON PURPOSE, Charlie! You said "take her to my momma house" on fucking purpose! In the words of The Pet Shop Boys, "what have I done to deserve this?" I'm sure someone somewhere said "you need to use broken English on your songs! That'll get 'em buying Charlie Wilson records!" At the end of the day, good for you for playing on the ignorance of your target audience and getting paid very well for it. I, for one won't be buying that shite. I'm gonna go home and listen to the Gap Band V album and reminisce...



tym