When The Young Man Met Facebook: A Love/Hate Story

Mmm-hmm... That's right...

so... facebook...

don't get me wrong - it was a great concept, the movie was awesome, but the young man and facebook have (had) this weird love/hate relationship. she is a fickle b***h. or am i the fickle one? anyhoo...

people are (or should i say were? for all i know, facebook has gone the way of myspace, napster and yakov smirnoff... remember him? no? *sigh* it sucks getting old...) always telling me to use facebook for marketing my warez (like this, and this), but in reality, she (facebook) has so many seductive tricks up her digital sleeve...

here - let me tell you a story...

it starts out all innocent like:

facebook: oh look - you can tell people about all the stuff you are working on... and you can check up on your friends from high school/college/life before the wife and kids... no big deal!

tym: yeah... wait - i have a ton of other shit to do. i'll check it out for a minute or two.

time passes...

fb: hey, where you been? your best friend from college saw you out here, and is asking about you...

tym: really? how's he doing? wait - he is friends with this person whom i swore was the devil and would never acknowledge again. fuck this - not enough degrees of separation for me. i'm out.

fb: okay, that makes sense. by the way, how's the job hunt going? those employment services you use are on here. just use me for marketing and job searches. we won't even worry about the rest. and here - play this word game. and look at what your favorite rapper, your old manager from that one job, your ex and that comedian you like have to say about that tv show you saw...

tym: well, okay...

more time passes...

fb: i am so sorry that you have to work so hard to put your family back together because i got you and your ex re-connected and your wife had a problem with that. my bad. i promise it wont happen again. just marketing. and sneaker info (i know how much you like sneakers). and motivational quotes, videos of your favorite bands, cute baby and puppy videos (you like cute babies and puppies!) and movie stuff. promise!

tym: well, okay...

and finally...

fb: hey - what's going on? i thought you and the mrs had everything back on track? oh... sorry... uh, why do you have to unfriend all of the females on your friends list? it's not like you're... well, okay. we'll just focus on marketing. and sneakers. and your boy's photography. you know he shoots and manages bikini models, right?

tym: fuck you. i'm done. stop calling/emailing me.

fb: what? you need me! you're gonna be considered irrelevant without me! i'm not worried - you'll be back. they all come back. just give it time... you can't live without me!

aaaand that's the story of my latest major breakup. sorry facebook (and facebook friends), i'm sick of this. i can't do it anymore.

2 fingers,

tym