what to do, what to do...

Which screen is most important?

 My God, I am so full right now. Not full of food, but full of anguish. And caffeine.  I have been in front of this laptop for a couple of hours now, and I am making myself sick. Its not as if I don't have anything to put on the screen (tons of ideas, tons of finished stuff that needs to be transferred from brain to hard drive), but its all of these freakin' contradictions in my head. As you know, I am still sans employ, but still receiving pay. While this would seem to be a GOOD THING to most people, I am not most people. I am SUPPOSED to be finishing up my second attempt at the great american novel, and the screenplay to shut down all other screenplays on the planet, yet I have a regularly scheduled wrestling match in my head every morning between me and the person I refer to as My Inner Hater. Every morning, its “you realize you suck, right? I mean, you don’t contribute to society at all anymore. You don’t have a job, you have a wife and 3 kids, yet you are a bum…” I know I’m still getting a check. I know all our bills are still being paid. I know everyone is still warm and safe and clothed and eating. Yet and still, I have to be called a bum. Maybe its because The Mrs. doesn’t treat me like that, so I feel like someone has to berate me, so why not me (More on the self depreciation in a later post.)? Who better knows the buttons to push to drive me mentally underground than… me?

That being said, I am insane. If I just change how I look at things, I am (more or less) being paid to write, and my life continues as “normal.” I think maybe it is a guy thing. You know, the whole “I’m a mayne (duh-duh-duh-duh-duh), well past 21…”, and I have to take care of my family. Maybe I need to get up and put on clothes and eat breakfast and leave like I have somewhere to go every morning. Maybe its just the feeling of not getting up and going somewhere that has me jacked up. I don’t know anymore.

“He’s a complicated man, and no one understands him but wom-ahunnnnnnnnnn…. YOUNG MAN…”

-tym