it finally happened.

yes, i know. it has been over a year, and im sorry. but here i am. happy holidays.

while deciding if i really even wanted to blog again, and then deciding to, i was going to recap my year, what ive been up to, etc. but then i decided to just go from this moment forward. be honest - are any of you really interested in the last year of my life? i mean its just me, the young man.

anyhoo...

i chose linkin park's numb to start over with, because that's where i am now. finally. took damn near 50 years, but im here now. numb as f**k. period. sick of trying, sick of giving. sick of being nice, it seems that everyone was right - nice guys finish last. being an asshole is the way to go. assholes are the new yuppies. and anyone can be an asshole it seems. spouses, children, parents, cops (...no comment), siblings, you name it. i dont have pets, but they can probably be assholes too. i bet cats are bigger assholes than any other pet. im just saying.

and being an asshole is socially acceptable, definitely more acceptable than being a nice or sensitive person. people will look at you with more contempt, horror and disgust for smiling and being nice to them than if you said to them "hey, go f**k yourself."

assholes get away with so much more than nice people. i worked with an asshole, a female asshole, who cursed out her manager because she disagreed with how she was being treated, and kept her f**king job. i was fired (oh im sorry - laid off) a week after the cursing out incident, yet that asshole kept her job for at least another year. coincidence? doubtful.

then, if you actually have the brass balls to call someone out for being an asshole or saying some asshole-ish shit, then its like you're being (for lack of a better term) an asshole! "how dare you tell me that the f**ked up shit i just said to you was f**ked up! who the f**k are you to say my offensive words offended you? i am offended that you said my offensive words are offensive!"

i used to have a friend who was a HUGE asshole. he knew he was an asshole, and its like he worked to perfect his assholeishness. he was rude, crass, full of himself, felt like certain people were beneath him and that only his opinion mattered, and this motherf**ker stayed winning. constantly. got in school, got his masters, got a decent job, won.

assholes just win.

well, im sick of losing, so i may try out this asshole thing. granted, being an asshole doesn't fit me, but i think i'd rather be an asshole than a doormat, a position i have held for quite a while. i bet that was an assholish statement i just made, huh? maybe that means im on the right path.

-tym