"good luck movin' up, cuz iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm movin' out." - billy joel

i'm not even sure if anyone still comes out here, but i moved to a new url, wrfranklin.weebly.com.

see ya there... if you really exist...

homework

Assholes always win, part 2

I curse. This can be attributed to my father. My dad is like Samuel L Jackson without the projection. He curses so much that the words come out like normal language. He doesn’t even realize the words are bad. Because of this, certain words fall out of my mouth eloquently. When I say MF it’s a thing of beauty. Thanks, daddy!

But this post is not about cursing. It’s about Assholes, and their consistent f*ing winning streak. Assholes are like the New England Patriots – just always with the W. (See what I did there? The patriots and Assholes in the same breath… Coincidence? I think not…)

As you may recall, I blogged about this subject some time ago. I just have more evidence of this now, and I’m looking at it from a slightly wiser POV.

When I was younger, I so admired Assholes. The people I looked at as heroes were for the most part Assholes:

Damon Dash

Sean “P. Diddy” Combs

Russell Simmons

Kanye West, who said on the track Get Em High “Why you think me and Dame (Dash) cool?/We assholes!”

Tony Stark (granted he’s not a real person, but come on – he is the coolest of the Avengers, next to Vision. And he's an asshole.)

All of these people/personas were so brash, and blunt, and black-and-white, and I was always like “Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about! That’s how I wanna be! They get shit done! They’re so well-respected, blahblahblah."

Then I grew up, had children, and realized my mid-life heroes were not “all that” (Hello, 1991), just loud assholes.

Red flag 1: once Roc A Fella disbanded, I tried to keep up with Dash and his activiites. Every word out of his mouth became more and more asshole-ish, destroying my respect level. Then I told myself “ah, he’s probably dealing with a lot and has to be that way…”

Whatevs…

Red flag 2: I realized that I have actually done business with a real-life (lower tax bracket) Dame Dash. Not 9-to-5 business, but my creative business. This person is an According to hoyle, Grade-A specimen of asshole, and I always knew it but over looked it.

Once I accepted the fact that I was in close proximity to a Dash clone, I understood that THAT was not who I was, nor who I wanted to be. That, my friends, was a wake up call.

I just reached a point in my life where I realized that I’m too nice to be that mean-spirited, blunt and asshole-ish. I’m very black and white, and I’ll tell you no, but I don’t feel a need to destroy anyone in order to tell them no. I’m a good guy! Yet nice guys continue to finish last, and assholes get elected.

See what I did there?

-tym

nobody is going to read this post

nobody is going to read this post, because nobody cares. i tell myself this every time i start a new blog post. this, i already know, is just my self-talk trying to keep discouraged. i get it. i have always understood this as what the book the war of art calls "the resistance." it's just another distraction keeping me from doing what i was put on the planet to do. i think the worst part is that even though i know it, and i have always known, i continue to fall for it. i'm like... i'm just stupid sometimes. knowing it's bullshit every time, but continuing to taste it every time, saying "it's ice cream."

why is it i have to remind myself of my accomplishments? i wrote a book and got published. i have written multiple screenplays. one of those screenplays was made into an independent film. i married a beautiful woman and have three devastatingly handsome little boys. i  have a job. i'm going to school for something i love. God loves me. these things i have to remind myself of regularly.

shit i did wrong? oh that is playing 24/7 in the multiplex theatre in my head: screen1 - you are not rich. screen 2 - you are 48 years old. screen 3 - your job is monotonously boring and you don't make enough money to properly take care of your family. screen 4 - you are a diabetic, so your life is just a barrage of bad eating histories, and you can't enjoy food anymore, and you are going to lose a foot, and you are going to go into a diabetic coma and die. screen 5 - you are fat and gross and a slob and you eat too much. screen 6 - you are a fraud, and you're not nearly as talented as people say you are and you are going to be found out very soon. and screen 7 - nobody gives a rat's ass about you.

again, i know it's all bullshit. sigh. this shit is old.

but tonight i wrote the blog anyway. my wife, the mrs, has a mantra that makes complete sense to me. her mantra is "do it afraid." no matter what it is, do it. do what you're supposed to do, even if it terrifies you. do. it. afraid.

so that's what this is. me, doing it afraid.

nobody is going to read this post, because nobody cares.

but i wrote it anyway.

thanks,

tym