why?

so, the young man is on facebook, and he sees an old friend from his old (MEGA)church, from back when the MEGA part was important. this friend was also an actress in the first film tym ever wrote that went to production. she was made a part of said film at the suggestion of the young man (not that he is looking 4 props or anything). well now this friend is actually living in l.a. and is making movies. the green-eyed monster is prevalent everytime tym reads her updates from the set of the film she happens to be doing at the time. tym is very happy for her, but is so jealous of her and disgusted by himself (all at the same time). does this make tym a hater? do people still use that word? why can't tym just focus enough to finish his book? why can't he stop focusing on stupid pointless shite (cable tv, sneakers, music, software, whether or not he should be pursuing a degree, his $10 weekly dj gig (and the intricate detail he puts into it for a lousy ten spot), food he's not supposed to be eating but eats anyway, what people think of him/his clothes/his wife and kids, etc.), and focus on getting the f*cking words from his head to the laptop? why can't he stay motivated once he is in front of the screen?

-tym

Recipe for a rough time...

so yesterday, the mrs. calls the young man to let me know the oldest mini-me (who has been acting a complete and total ass for the last few weeks) went on a tirade at his expensive-ass school, and (1) knocked over the blocks two little girls were stacking up and then decided to throw the blocks at the aforementioned little girls, and (2) started flipping over chairs and tables once his teacher left for the day. the mrs. sounded frustrated, and said " i don't know what else to do..." me, being the young MAN, responded with "I know what to do! I'ma beat his ass, he gets no TV tonight, and he will not be going to any of the birthday parties he's been invited to!" done and done, right?

"WRONG!!" (c) Charlie Murphy

see, mini me is 4.5 years old, and i have never had to actually whip him, like, with a belt before. so from the time i hung up with the mrs. to the point i was explaining to him why i had to do this, i was praying for an out. i know this will no doubt get easier to do with time, but that first time

SUCKS

COMPLETE

ASS.

the fear in those big brown eyes ripped me to shreds. that and hearing him sob "i don't want you to whip me, daddy!" i fought back tears the entire time, thinking about how i felt back in the day when i was on the other end of the belt, because even then it wasn't the pain, but the feeling of humiliation that it was happening, and the fear that my mom was doing this because she hated me. even as i type this, i am misting up.

this mini-me was born with a heart condition (but he is so defying the odds :-] ), and i think the despair i felt last night ran a close second to what i felt during all of his surgeries. then there was the internal dialogue (you are the worse father ever, you should have just given him a break, you know how his heart is, blahblahblah...) needless to say, the tears didn't stay in for too long. the mrs. was there for me and helped me get thru it all.

so now to explain the title. the recipe for a rough time: add one first-time disciplinary action for your baby, and mix in the death of one of your favorite celebrities (see previous post). Yield: a severe funk with a hot soundtrack.


-tym

RIP Keith "Guru" Elam

Random Shite...

* the young man feels kind of bad about his rant over Charlie Wilson. the young man's in-laws saw him at a music festival, and said he was out of the musical loop for a while because he had cancer. the young man can be a jerk sometimes. rarely, but it still happens... not that this at all excuses use of the word "onliest".

* the young man has made a weird discovery about himself - he REALLY does not care for most people. aside from his "crew" and the people he lives with, people generally annoy the $#!T out of him. he is a nice person, and he tolerates people and their opinions, etc., but for the most part he would love to not have to talk to anyone outside of his circle ever again. he made this discovery the other nightm, and it really kind of depressed him. pray for the young man - he needs it. prayer, and perhaps a lobotomy. not alcohol, because alcohol doesn't do anything but make the young man hot and angry, and praying always works.

* sade's new album is NOT THAT GREAT. there. i said it. 2 songs, tops. i love ya ms. adu, but i will continue to pump your earlier catalogue like it was just released last week.

* the young man is a humungous fan of erykah badu. her new cd did not disappoint. her new video for window seat, where she strips naked for the camera and gets shot on the same street where jfk got gunned down, changed something for tym, though. for the longest, tym looked at erykah as erykah badu, the creative, free-spirited musical phenomenon. now that he has seen her half naked (more like 90%), and witnessed just how much junk she has in her trunk (uh... WOW!!!!), tym sees her in a different light. now, she is a... girl. still a genius, but also a sexual being... (a lone tear streaks down tym's fuzzy cheek).

* i may have to start calling this words from the fat man. i am in no way nearing mr. belvedere status, but i feel like i am. i think it has a lot to do with my wanting to remain attractive as i take up residence in my 40's, and the fact that fried foods call me like pookie's crack pipe in new jack city (wings...).

more to come...